what a difference a year can make.

Wow, what a year that it has been. A year ago today, I was struggling with a decision that has placed me in the situation I am in today. Fall of 2009 was a time of failure, and a time of learning. For the first time, I truly felt as though I was failing at something. Which is ironic in retrospect, given that I was on the downhill of successfully graduating from a very prestigious university in 4 years, almost unheard of. But I did it. And so did all of my friends. We were at a fork in the road, we had limitless options and any path we wanted to take, was awaiting us. We were in control. But unfortunately, it was 2009, and the country was in turmoil. Every time I applied for a job, I could just hear the HR department laughing at my resume, because unlike the poor souls who are about 5 years my senior, who had been laid off, they had actual paid experience. I was a gamble to them. Although I had held an impressive amount of intern experience, and my work experience prepared me to work well with others, I was passed on. If I were more brave, I would go back through emails from June to November of last year, read through the countless applications, interviews, and second and third interviews I went to. Ultimately to find out that they had, "found someone else" and that they were "going to keep my resume for 6-months in case something comes up." All of this irritated me. I could not understand why this was happening to ME.

It is not until now, a year later, and arguably wiser that I begin to understand that it wasn't happening to me, it was just another chapter of my life that I was living through, it wasn't really the outcome that mattered, what mattered was that I learned something from it, and made it out with my dignity. My pride was left behind, but who needs that, it's one of the 7 deadly sins after-all :).

So I packed myself up, quit my minimum-wage job, and became a statistic. I was now a post-grad who had moved home to my childhood bedroom, stuffed animals and all, to "figure out that next step" This was a little but humiliating, because I so long thought that my identity was contingent on my independence. I was wrong. I could still be independent from home, it would just come with more rules.

Currently I am in a graduate program, and I am half-way done. Most importantly, I am realizing what I want in my life, how to get it, and how to not take it for granted. I'm learning that living in the moment is exciting, but preparing for the future while learning from the past, and having faith is the best we can do.